Broken

I’ll be doing OK, and then something will happen, and my bubble of denial pops, and I am confronted once again with the fact that my marriage is over. The eHarmony app on Bill’s phone. The printout of “Your Guide to Separation and Divorce” in the minivan. His casual, “I hope we can stay friends, but I’ll understand if you don’t want to.”

Seventeen years. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health… Now that it looks like “for better” is finally here, I am no longer good enough. It feels like a slap in the face. Another proof of what a failure I am.

Some day, I will make my peace with what my life turned out to be. But today, and tomorrow, and as far into the future as I can see, I am just broken.

//www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/EaO-kgG7eCQ?rel=0

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5 thoughts on “Broken

  1. Hugs. You will get through this, and hopefully on the other side is a brighter future that you live for YOU, not him. Remember your friends will be here for you.

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  2. that sucks. I’m so sorry. Just know that your friends still love you and it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. And I know you’re terrified of telling your parents, but guess what? They’re in no position to judge, they don’t live your life. Our culture has this stupid thing that if you check off the little boxes of job, spouse, kids, that means you must have success and somehow happiness will magically arise from all that, but it’s not the case.

    My divorce was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done (and yes, I’m the one who chose it so it probably less sucky for me than for him) but I am more me now. I am more at peace because I am not lying that my marriage is working. You’ve got some tough times ahead, because it is a lot to deal with – but you can get through this and the people who count will always love you regardless!!

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