Tomorrow (Tuesday) I plan to go and talk to the HR director. Hoping to do it after our staff meeting and before my monthly ‘mental health checkup’ appointment. Just typing this, I am filled with dread and feel faintly sick.
And this is totally stupid. I am fairly sure they are not getting rid of me (yet), but now I am freaking out that my honesty to HR underling re: my feelings of not being treated equally will come back and bite me in the ass. I am such a coward 😦
Even if I were to lose my job tomorrow, it won’t be the end of the world. Hell, I can use a year or so of not working just to put my house into a semblance of order!
I think what is making me so scared is the idea of being fired, of being told, in essence, “You are not good enough. You don’t deserve to have this job. We don’t like you, and we don’t want you.”, and of knowing that it is true, and that I am worthless and will always be a failure, never amounting to anything or making any difference.