It is becoming more and more obvious that God did not mean for me to cook

As part of the “bring a dish to pass this Thanksgiving, because nobody wants to cook the whole meal by themselves, thank you very much,” we were assigned mashed potatoes. I decided to break tradition and make the damn things myself. Called Mom, got detailed instructions. Talked to coworkers, got detailed instructions. Decided that consulting the internet for yet more detailed instructions was at that point an overkill.

While the second half of the Packer game went on, I peeled a shitload of potatoes, cut the larger ones down to size, and put them to boil in the biggest pot we own. Alas, the potatoes cooked too long, aided unbeknownst to me by BelovedSpouse breaking some of them in half when they were almost all cooked. So instead of having nice potato-shaped potatoes I got basically “almost-mashed” puree-consistency potatoes. Using the potato masher on them was an insult, really. And adding milk to what already was a rather runny mess felt decidedly counter-intuitive.

Quick consult with the internet revealed a couple ways to remedy the problem. Solution 1, “add potato flakes from mashed-potatoes-in-a-box” was unacceptable due to lack of the aforementioned potato flakes. Solution 2, “cook on low-to-medium heat for 10 minutes with lid open” was duly implemented. After 20 minutes, our mashed potatoes were somewhat less runny but, in my opinion, you could still taste their sorry history.

Oddly, people took seconds of the potatoes at dinner. Needed something to help that turkey go down smoother, I guess.


2 thoughts on “It is becoming more and more obvious that God did not mean for me to cook

  1. Potatoes are pretty forgiving-just add butter. And I’m sure the flavor was still better that potato flakes, as they were real potatoes. 🙂


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