In retrospect, it was a dumb idea

On Saturday, we made the mistake of letting the cordless phone headset out of our sight, and into Squeeker’s. To make up for the subsequent cruelty of separating Squeektar from his new amazing toy, I gave him my cellphone to play with. Disaster averted.

Now, I have been letting my kids play with my cellphone (keypad locked) whenever they want to. Usually, DemonChild would pretend-talk to it, and Squeektar would do a taste-test, an impact-test, possibly a blunt-weapon test, and then lose interest. The cellphone, a Nokia “brick” that came free with our calling plan, survived the attentions of my children for two years now, and have come in handy as an emergency toy a number of times. One might go as far as call it “kid tested, Mom approved.”

What I neglected to take into account is that Squeektar is currently going through a drool-monster stage. The amount of drool the kid generates is amazing. (He also has a cold; nothing like a snot-drool-tears mixture being wiped all over your face to test that unconditional love parents are supposed to have for their children, I am telling you.)

But back to my cellphone. When I tried to locate it a couple of hours later it was not, surprisingly, hard to find. In hindsight, that should have been the first sign that things were not going according to plan. Instead of hiding among toys or stuck into a shoe, the phone was on the kids table, in plain view. When I picked it up, it was damp. I wiped it with my sleeve a few times, but instead of diminishing, the dampness increased. The phone was literally oozing drool. Hmmm. It was also saying “battery low,” so I went upstairs, plugged it in, and forgot all about it.

Fast forward to Saturday evening. I heard odd noises coming from our bedroom. Investigation revealed the sources off the odd noises to be my cellphone, boasting condensation on the inside of its screen. Not good. When BelovedSpouse stopped laughing at the water-drops where no water-drops ought to be, he took the cellphone apart, and discovered that the battery was soaked, too. We left it to air-dry for the night, and hoped for the best.

Sunday morning. The parts were all dry, so I put the phone back together. And it seemed to work. Until I noticed that it kept dialing 7 all the time. And refused to respond to buttons being pushed. And randomly switched profiles. And attempted to connect to the internet. You get the idea.

On the plus side, it still rings. On the minus side, that’s about the only thing it does. My attempts to answer the phone have so far been a spectacular failure. I think my phone now things it is an alarm clock.

For those of you keeping score at home:
Squeektar: 1. Cellular technology: 0.

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