something happens to remind me that, in reality, they are getting worse.
I had a talk with my boss today. It started with a phone call, during which I was logical and professional, and he repeatedly told me that I should not be so emotional. It ended in the conference room, with me saying, “Can you forget for a moment that I am a woman and listen to me as if I was one of the guys?” A talk that at one point involved him stating “Am I hearing you correctly that you are saying either only you do [certain part of job] or you won’t do it at all?” Underneath, the subtext was clear – say yes, and there will be trouble. I said “yes.” Then I tried to explain, for 15 minutes, why it is not a good idea to have more than one person doing that particular job. I reiterated that it is not the case of me not wanting to give up power, but instead a case of a job that should not be done by multiple people. I illustrated what can go wrong if the right hand won’t know what the left hand is doing. Waste of breath, as usual. My boss is currently “withholding judgement.”
So, what do I do? Do I hope that things will change this year? Pray for a management shake-up? Lay low? Resign in a blaze of glory? If the situation was like this 3 years ago, I would have left without a thought. But now it is not just me. Reality is that in the last 10 years my professional growth has been virtually non-existant. Reality is that I don’t want to lose my 3 weeks of vacation and generous sick time. Reality is that not many places will be as flexible and understanding. Reality is that I used to like going to work, and now I hate it. Reality is that I still love what I do, and that I am trapped.